Good Night Almighty 2015

I left emails from my mother unread. The disbelief held me tight and I clung to it, desperate for the situation before me not to be. Before scary words like trauma, addiction, disorder and divorce became casually passed around like a joint between friends. I went out with my old camera searching for magic, for logic, a spark of divine, a miracle, courage and comfort.

These images mark a passage of time that my subconscious might prefer to suppress. In an act of self-preservation, I turned to familiar practices in an alien place. Shooting this series became a meditation, a way to reconnect with my favorite parts of myself, an assurance that I was still in there somewhere. The quiet moments and pops of color describe a contemplation and a seeking. I knew that I would never be here again. On the edge of a cliff, about to jump or be pushed and either way determined to enjoy the view on the way down.

I rode aimlessly around my adoptive city on the cutest bluest Vespa, headphones in and an outside world that I didn’t understand dangerously tuned out. Looking, looking, everywhere looking for a way to come home.