Ok so this text gets a little bit of a backstory. For a little while (a long time ago), I was getting a lot of driving and car related tickets. Parking, running red lights, expired meter etc etc etc. And it all started with ONE illegal u-turn that occurred outside of an engagement ring store during a lighthearted and sexy conversation before dinner. I was driving, he was being distracting with words and saying things like “well there’s a jewelry store right there, let’s go take a look.” And then, finding myself suddenly in a state of panic, I had to flip an emergency (and unfortunately occurring in front of a cop) u-turn to get the hell away from the offensive Robbin’s Bros. If this were a high school English class I would highlight that say “FORESHADOWING” very slowly.
In any case, thus began a string of bad luck tickets that eventually spanned the entire American Southwest and several military bases. Not to mention some very very bad moods and brooding silences.
And then a MIRACLE, after years and years and hundreds of thousands of miles a fucking miracle. Someone else offers to drive and someone else gets pulled over and someone other than me has to suffer the humiliation of being the bad driver. Except that the universe has a sense of humor, and he gets off with a warning.
Apparently, if one is driving through Texas in the middle of the night on a two lane highway with a sleepy wife and a sleeve of Oreo’s in the passenger seat then “Hello Sir, I just completed my Army contract and am trying to get the hell away from Fort Hood as fast as possible,” is an acceptable way to get out of a speeding ticket.
Good to know.